Progress
ok well hi, traumatic diary isnt it? still waiting for the day until im truly happy and full inside, but i know i have a guardian angel looking over me, my mother always told me my uncle was looking over me, isnt it sad how people just get taken away from you, all i know is that he always use to look after me when i was a child but i dont remember, i think he knew that he was going to die because he had written a letter telling and promising he would always guard me but pretended like my grandmother had gotten him to give it to her, but that wasnt that case, even though i cannot remember meeting him i will never get over the fact that i miss a person that i never got to meet in my remembering years, never have i ever admitted that.
My life is full of mistakes, my family is no where near perfect, growing up in a country which wasnt my own was always a struggle, i understood that being like an outsider, when i was 7 years old my mother and father split, i may still cry over that sometimes because every vivid image from that experience, the weeks, months leading up to the day we walked out hand in hand with my mum and brother closing the front door behind us, every step after that will never be a blur but a nightmare of a memory, never will i ever admit of the hurt i have inside of that time in my life, i will never tell mum, because she is in a huge place full of happieness now, and what is the point even thinking about things that happened in the past?
I always try to lift people up and make them feel good about themselves, but usually i dont get the favour back, everyone thinks im happy, laughing in class, making jokes, being loud, its just really my cry for help, but as they all say no one hears it, but i bear with it everyday and that alright i guess its just a feeling of empty inside of me, blocking it out for some amount of time is ok but then when you let it all back in all of a sudden, the build up of everything you were holding in explodes and it just makes it 10 times worse.
Hopefully i will look back in years if i even remember this blog and look back at the confusion and see how i could of changed things but for now this is it
to see more of my depressing shit, keep clicking older posts for each para
