hi there lol
so uhuhh im like so sick rightnow, like i think i caught the flu, tHANKS TO SCHOOL, like jesus every kid in there is sniffling and coughing and shit and now im looking like shit and my immune system is down ! but hey we'll get through it right, i only work 1 day a week now and thats a thursday after school 5-10 so i mean its not even bad at all, but not a lotta money, i'll manage though

so basically idk if ive ever meantioned it before but i paint, the good stuff youknow? and well ive been painting my second weekend straight and i cant help it when you have money and a person and like when it feels really good, its just obvious to paint yeah, so i did it yesterday and it actually messed with my head like i was a walking zombie after i had a blast of a time and i literally felt sick so i hung up a call to j and fell asleep like wtf i chose sleep over him HATE MYSELF but yeah i also painted today HA so its not good for my brain and ive big exams coming up but ill get through it right? it hasnt hit me yet but i will duh, the idea of moving on with my life is like not that pleasing anymore, like i mean i cant wait to move out and all but idk its weird kinda scary

but so far in life im okay, just a bit bored rightnow mans is out and i have like nobody else to talk to because i stopped contact with like almost everyone not everyone but almost and tbh i hate talking to other people anyway so i just leave them all on read its bad but idgaf you know what i mean, and i doubt they care about me anyway its just like that, i got my arctic monkeys coming up in 23 days and im sososoo excited for this month, j also asked me to the cinema w him to see the new horror ' the nun ' and its meant to be so good like what a cutie hes actually treating me so fucking well rightnow touch wood but like UGH I LIKE HIM SO MUCH LIKE TOO MUCH, hes actually mine idc what anybody says and stg im such a psycho in the inside of my head lol but on the outside im so like chill about anything, and honestly im such an insecure bitch like its bad i put up such a big front like as if im this and that and that im altogether and tbh yeah i am a strong bitch and knows her worth and what she needs and wants but deep down i still get sad and scared and just confused about how i got so lucky and like why and wtf you know? like its never been like this idk if i even deserve it do i, cause im not the best person in the world, but it feels so good and shit like it gets to me that i dont even understand how much feelings i have for this boy, its off the radar at this point, one of my biggest priorities