im gonna start again and explain these past 2 months

like a long fucking summary

yeah so basically a lot happened in the month of december my bestfriend jessica went to new york with her yes boyfriend, they became official ! just wanted to put that there because its her first boyfriend and im just extremely happy for her :)

but again wow for me a handful happened, me and my boyfriend had what i would consider a very difficult and hard month in our relationship. We were constantly arguing and falling out and just not in a good place i feel like we hit that point in every relationship where you go through that difficult phase and you either pull out or both get through it together and become somewhat way stronger, i wasn't willing to give up, and yes we did get past it and put all the arguing aside and sort of forgot about them and as new years arrived(we did spend together) everything just arranged itself into place and i can say that i am the happiest i have ever ever been and he is the reason. I genuinely feel like he is '' the one '' like he is the love of my life, a soulmate if you want to call it that, as cringe as some people would find it or some not believe  in it, i have not felt anything like this in my heart or mind or body ever in my life , or felt this strongly for someone else and it isnt like i havent had previous others, he just is everything that i have ever wanted,needed,craved and looked for, from his looks to his personality to the way he makes me laugh to his touch to the way he can make me feel and make me thrive, the way he looks at me or kisses me, its actually something that cant fully be understood from another persons point of view or explained fully, and when he tells me he loves me or loves me back i actually believe him and fully trust him with everything, theres nothing that i couldnt tell or confide in him, he's my other half like ive never had a person that is so similar and the same to me but so different in his own perfect way. when it is me and him 1 on 1 together i actually manage to forget about everything else going on about my life and not give one shit about any of it but just focus on him

basically im so so so in love, it use to scare me how much of myself ive given to him almost everything but ive past that point and im just excited and happy and honesty dont care about anything else but us

and its not just a teen romance or some other shit that people decide to label, its actually so real

so yeah fuck, ive fallen really fucking hard for my boyfriend

( this was suppose to be posted 2 months ago) okay wow its literally december like next week this is scary lol, where is time going idek.... so i guess as usual quite a bit has happened, lets start of by saying i lost my v card. im not actually sure if i mentioned it in my before post? but yeah that happened and im happy, it was so '' natural '' and i just felt super comfortable with it all, and so far its happened like 3 other times but thats it. i guess we've had 1 or 2 hiccups like silly arguments as you do, we have been with eachother romantically for 3 months now, officially 2 months but yeah its expected, lastnight we did argue well i went in on him quite a bit for very good reasons and i didnt apologise i didnt speak to him for a good 15 hours, and then messaged him because i wanted it sorted and i told him i cant apologize because i didnt say anything bad or that i didnt mean and he for i think the 1st/2nd time ever admitted and said that i dont have anything to say sorry for because i was completely right and didnt do anything wrong and that he just couldnt listen to it, and said sorry, and by him doing that it actually meant a lot to me that he understood, because in reality thats all that i wanted, im actually proud of what i said it was like getting it all off my chest, so yeah i work all the time now too 3/4 days a week whilst also going to school which is not fun, also jessica is now talking to a guy, he asked her to be his girlfriend but she said no that its too soon which im so happy shes a smart girl, theyre going to the cinema for their first lil date and im actually just sosossoosososso happy in my heart for her, like its about time a guy treats her right and shes waited so long for this, hopefully its all worth it in the end.

im no longer friends with my '' other bestfriend '' i quote that because she wasnt a real good, bestfriend, or even bestfriend at all, i was just being used constantly and so was jessica, so we stopped the friendship on good terms, i mean there was no argument or anything, we shared our fair amount of arguments a couple times a week, it was draining and unecessary and she was never going to speak to us after we finished school , we didnt even do things outside of school. so yeah.

too much has happened to write down i dunno