im back again, everything is shit again what a shocker, i had a very happy few months summer was pretty amazing, i had my 2 bestfriends which i love to bits and i had the boy that i cant really say that i love him anymore

he finished it all, 8 months turned to waste just in a few minutes, almost 2 years of knowing a guy you'd think everything would turn out alright but it turned out to be the opposite. he was the first guy i properly trusted after years, i literally love him still even through all the shitty things he's said to me and might be saying about me, i stopped talking about him to my friends for a while because i guess deep down i had a feeling, his replies started getting short which turned into only maybe 5 replies a day, i brushed it off as if i didnt care but i did care a lot, whats ironic is that i was actually able to come up to see him this time but i guess it wasnt meant to happen, hed said he wasnt ditching me or that it wasnt the end or that he wasnt gonna leave me and all that even in person, but i guess everything was a lie, so anyway this whole week every single fucking day he finds something to argue with me about for no reason, he finishes things which makes me feel like shit he then decides to drag on fights for a week straight saying he doesnt care and that im a dose and what not and decides to delete me i ended up getting added back because i reached out by calling him and then everything was alright i told him ill leave him alone because i hate leaving things on bad terms that eats your conscience up and you never know what can happen, so everything was fine, it was him that kept popping up and then he finds another arguement and i was almost sure everything was done there and then but he ends up popping up again after that, and then everything is fine for a day maybe less and he decides to delete me out of nowhere without saying anything,  its like how can someone loose all feelings just like that and leave the other person in tears, i just think maybe we should have left it the way it was during april time at least it wasnt this bad that he had to delete me twice and i would have accepted it easier during the summer before things got this serious

im a depressed fucker but id rather not surround my friends with sadness and make them feel shitty so ill just brush it off as if im okay

because at the end of the day no one can help the way im feeling but myself

my hearts a bit broke lol but i think my eyes are too tired to cry on the downlow anymore so ill just sit in my room watching a movie distracted thinking about him and about how i could have avoided this and what if and all that

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:)