dedicated to jessica-

i went through a very hard time at one point in my life, to this day im almost sure i will never go through something that bad again, but who knows i shouldnt speak too soon, this "hard time" didnt last a few days or a month, nope, this lasted months, years basically, imagine a year of wasted time and all because i was a naive, young, stupid kid.

i was manipulated, lied to, lied about, talked about, looked down upon, for stuff that i didnt even do, the stuff that i heard come out of some peoples mouths of things that i  "supposedly did", but thats the thing, i didnt

that moment when i got back stabbed by a bunch of snakes that i use to call my bestfriends so close to calling them sisters, cos them bunch of snakes is what started it all and a so called boyfriend which was all fake

cos then just a group of snakes turned into a whole town of sheep and a whole town of sheep turned into a circus of lies

i was the centre of lies, thankfully i was sick and out of school for a month, cos in that one month is when all the shit went down, just cos i was out of school didnt mean i didnt know what was going on, it was just a blessing that god got me sick for me to be outta that hell hold and it was fucked cos the snakes got my mum and the school involved and told her a bunch of lies, one was that i was gonna have sex with a guy, i had recently turned 13, what sort of fucking joke is that, i had no one, my mum probably believed the lies too and i went downhill i hit rock bottom.

when i came back i had no friends, i cant exactly remember about all the other people but the constant feeling of people looking at me wrong and talking about me, it disgusted me that people could be such sheep and such an influence on eachother to make someone feel like some sort of alien, i didnt think there was point for me, i did starve myself but it wasnt something new to me, me being sick with the chicken pox kinda stopped me from eating i was in my room all day and all night didnt leave didnt see no light but anyhow i turned to one person, this girl which long story short turned into another snake in the end but lemme just say how it all went at the start

she was pretty great, i called her my bestfriend we'd do everything together be together constantly, she was a year older than me and a year above me in school, i spent a whole summer with her, but thats the thing, she slowly turned into a bad influence which was the complete opposite of what i needed because one thing about me i can be crazy and i like fun, i likED fun. So one night she forced me to sneak out of my own house, my mum was good enough to let me have a sleepover in my house even though she had been working all day long and my bestfriend came over, she was so desperate to meet her boyfriend, they werent actually dating but she liked him a lot i guess and there was another guy, i was worried about her so i didnt want to let her sneak out by herself because its dangerous so i left, one thing lead to another they had alcohol, i was only 13 years old, a young idiot who had never ever tasted alcohol or understood what handeling it was so when i was given it i guess i drank too much, to prove myself to my bestfriend i guess cause she was always up for anything, and she was my only bestfriend so i put all my trust into her, the mistake i made way too many times which i should have known better than that by that point, yeah i got caught, i lost my mums trust, but it was already shit i had no connection with her because even before then earlier that summer i moved in with my dad cos we couldnt even speak anymore it was as if i didnt have a mum and it wasnt her fault no it was mine and i take full blame for it and i only realize this now cos at that time i was a selfish stubborn child, but see when i came back from living with my dad for almost all of the summer, sure i "hated" her and chose my dad but we were starting to be okay again but i fucked that all up again just for a snake, see after i got caught and dragged home  when i couldnt even really walk or talk properly cos i was a horrible mess, we didnt talk at all for a week i guess, didnt talk properly for a month, so then the first day of school rolled around, i was wanting a new begining but nah i got put in a class with the same snakes who stabbed me the first time, but this is where it gets twisted, see only 2 of the snakes out of about 5 were in the class now, we didnt speak for the first 2 weeks but slowly started talking and by halloween we were close again, i ditched my bestfriend cause she was bad for me too bad for me i needed my one way ticket out, so the first chance i got i did it, by christmas i was bestfriends with the 2 snakes but we made friends with an old snake who fucked me over and a brand new snake and i had left my bestfriend who was bestfriends with my ex, anyway me and the 4 snakes turned into the initial "squad" of girls in our year, and then there was a squad of guys in our year, so we were the known people you could say, thanks to me, i left the snakes for another group of girls who were liked by everyone and were actually good for me, mistake number 4 i left them cos the snake squad dragged me back, heres where i fell for it, see i went back to them at the start of summer, but then i felt unwanted so i didnt come out as much but i still did at times, which they acted as if we were the best of friends but i still got depressed and locked myself away and not once did they try help me or notice my cry of help, i distanced myself from the popularity and the social block i was sick of it, so the last 2 weeks of summer roll around and the 4 snakes aint responding, i hit them all up in the group chat which they choose to tell me that im not in the group anymore, i left a good group of people for them, i removed myself from everyone
they used me for popularity and when they got it all they dumped me, so the first day of school rolls round and guess what im back to stage 1:

alone, i stopped eating lunch at school, i spent my breaks and lunches in the bathroom, the fucking bathroom, when i came home i went straight to my room, i cried and cried and cried for weeks, i was alone and suicidal, it got bad cos i turned to my mum for the first time in my life, i told her i had no one no friends and basically pleaded to move schools i needed a new beginning, the school got involved again this time they actually helped, surprisingly, only one snake from the 4 cared, and when we were put in a room in a circle she was the only one who talked to me when the other 2 laughed and the other one was bad at these situations so i wasnt surprised, i went back to having no one, a festival came around and i was invited to a girls house and on this day, i met my SISTER, ok so i go back to school expecting to go to the bathrooms again, but the councilor calls me out of class and asks me to name someone i could trust and be around at break, i told the councilor her name, and im so glad i didnt name anyone else from that day cos we got another snake on that day, but from that day my BESTFRIEND has never let me be alone and in 3 weeks itll be a year since that day and i might just celebrate it bigger than my birthday which comes a week after it

see when i met my bestfriend there was another girl who tried to blame my bestfriend for a thief, we took care of it though and i had her back since day 1 and she had mine. i was starting to do good again i was actually happy and i have never ever felt so safe and happy and blessed with anyone before like i do with her, i can say she actual is a sister to me, so then we became good friends with another girl which still to this day is a good friend to us even tho we have our ups and downs with her, the funny thing is i hated this girl and made her feel down, just cos those snakes hated her.

whats more hilarious is those snakes tried being my bestfriends again around christmas time thats 8 months ago to be exact, its all good though because this time i didnt let them in, thanks to the support i actually recieved this time, i guess i snaked them a little bit, thats the thing with me i revolve around revenge and maybe thats why i was in a circle, my bestfriend helped me through that though taught me revenge isnt the answer, cos she wasnt about that, yeah i still love revenge and what not but i keep that to myself but its proving to be hard because the a particular snake from the squad has hurt my bestfriend bad and i cant help but bring out my other side, revenge doesnt work quickly, it takes weeks to months to a year from my experience so even though she might tell me not to do anything ill never let it go, but for now i choose to be a better person  and the only reason why is because shes a good person and shes the best influence ive ever had in my life so i have her to thank for everything because im actually happy

this little story took place for 3 years, except i cut it down, but since then i have never been the same so i say thanks to all them snakes for the way i am now

and maybe in the future im considering getting a tiny snake tattoo somewhere dedicated to them for making me
for the first time ever i wrote down how i felt about this whole thing

love u jess xx