I should be sleeping for school tomorrow aka hell, even though hell wouldnt be as bad, in a way hell isnt bad at all, because everyone knows and everyone says it, the devil was once an angel, and how can you blame something beautiful for becoming so different and the opposite just to protect themselves from the things that hurt him the most? You cant, because that something did the right thing and id rather be different and oppisite and delusional than be like them anymore, everyone is so self centered and fake about themselves these days and its discusting to me, but im just one unwanted and unloved person who can do nothing about this, i cant change the pain that im in because the things and people that are causing me this pain dont understand how bad it is because they have never gone through it, but they still know what theyre doing is bad so yes the blame can be given, suicidal thoughts about why im even here anymore and that i dont want to be here, crying to myself, its a shame your own family dont realise how deformed and broken you are inside, heart ripped apart, mind torn, tears dry, head aches from not understanding why you, unhappy, reached the stage of depressed, these thoughts dont leave, and as i cry as i write this i know i will go to sleep at some point tonight, wake up tomorrow open my eyes and still feel all of this agony but continue the day building more and more up, and i will crack on the outside someday soon, and it will be too late, everybody will fake cry say sorry for my going, but they wont mean it, and i am so sorry to the 2 people that might of cared for me as much as i cared for them if i do, but i really did love you two and you were the most realest and genuine people i had never even met, but i connected emotionally with and felt like i didnt need to meet yous yet because you were my bestfriends and always will be, at this point it doesnt matter if yous didnt care its still ok because yous kept me going for a while, i cant contain this or myself now or anymore and there isnt anything anyone can say to me anymore that can change my thoughts because im alone and im in a dark long hole far away in my own little world as always, im so sorry to luke and corey for letting you  two down because of the mess ive been in, i wasnt like this at the start and yous signed up believing it was always going to be the happy uplifting me, which it was for a while but you both and me noticed that there wasnt anything right about me anymore, luke i dont blame you for distancing yourself from me, its good for you in a way, and corey im sorry for the shit times and frustrating times i put you through because i couldnt be good to you i wish i could of been better