A week or 2 later and surprised im not dead either lmao, dont know what to say, all i know is i wont be the same anymore but everyone changes
Not close with Luke at all anymore rip to that i think its because when he felt like he had no one i came along and in his head he thinks ill always be the backup since i was there for him since day 1 but im done being used and treated poorly, he makes 0 effort and doesnt even talk to me anymore tbh so i stopped caring and feel like i should just say fuck it and move on because im done being hurt and i am going to shut it all out as i have done before and i did get better after it, its a shame though i counted myself as the luckiest and happiest person but im not anymore, one thing can turn into such a huge horrible thing and tears you apart. Life is so tough and i always ask why me, like didnt i already go through enough last year? Still hurt and sore inside from what has happened in my life but learning to accept it and to keep the tears in, it was so bad that when someone mentioned it to me in school id start to cry and couldnt control it, i never cry infront of people i always have that tough up happy image and that was the first time that happened and im so ashamed. Everyone knows and i know it isnt my fault but its all  fucked up i should of done the thing i was intended to do but i didnt. Fucked up so many friendships and my relationship and no one will get me and no one will ever see what i truly am inside i'll always have that guarded and make sure that i will have it hidden because no one deserves to see, i have such a huge hatred for everyone and i dont mean to but how can you love when everyones only every shown or taught you hatred, its always been hard situations since i was young but i always let it all back in i wish i wasnt so forgiving, and for a while people actually believed it and yeah sure theyd call me a snob behind my back but at the end of the day my heartless attitude and feelings a few months back worked so all i gotta say if fuck you and fuck everyone ive ever known because i dont want to nor will i give a fuck anymore and i will strive to hurt anyone and everyone who comes near me to know what i felt like because last time it was the most fun and best feeling i had ever had and when they got hurt i laughed and i turned into the bully that everyone else was to me, sure id say stuff to their faces or shout stuff at them with my friends but i was only doing what they had done to me even if it was years ago, just cause i glow up over the summer they suddenly think they can be friends with you nah that didnt work, i turned into the little heartless slut and everyone would smile at you and talk to you and you were the one that formed the group and introduced everyone to your childish ways and i formed the '' snobish '' group that i only now found out what everyone was saying about them and me and us and i laugh because it was jealousy, because no one would say or do anything to me because they knew what would happen, and girls couldnt say anything because their man would come to me and ask me and not them clearly not your man calm down, but i got away with it everytime not even meaning to, where did it all go wrong? they got ahead of themselves when i was slowly turning back into the girl i use to be i got too use to feeling safe that i fucked it up i didnt stay the way i started it, i know i cant get it back but why would everyone say and the first day and first class that i set foot in the teachers words to everyone were '' dont be shy talk to people because there will be the down people and there will be the popular people, by the way this girl is talking and acting your going to be quite popular '' and he wasnt wrong. So FUCK YOU ALL. i aint from here i aint irish aight so nobody can tell me nothing anymore and no one can get to me theres nothing left to break in me anymore so i say fuck it all i dont give one fuck anymore, and its the best feeling saying that because im in the exact place i was this time last year and god i missed it.